Baniyan Wala RockStar

God-Dammed

Sunday – late in the night.



The chant of ‘Jai Mata Di’ reverberated through the powerful speakers. However, instead of stirring my soul it had got on to my nerves.



It was well past midnight. I wanted a good night’s sleep after a fun-filled, yet tiring day of hullabaloo with friends. Mr. Chaddha, the secretary of our society, however had different plans for me and the entire neighbourhood. The megalomaniac that he was, Mr. Chaddha wanted all of us to take a religious trip right into the living room of Mata Shera-wali through an ‘all-night-Jagrata’. He sponsored it.



When I had tossed and swirled from one side of the bed to another for few hours in an attempt to force slumber to rescue me from the cacophony of the chants and songs that blasted out of the high decibel speakers, I decided not to take things lying down. I crept out of the discomfort of my bed and headed out into the night to confront the nuisance of the society. The event was happening a few paces away from my house.



Night. A great author has drawn a rosy parallel of it to a beautiful lady. The moon light is her silken attire and the stars are her bedazzling ornaments. For the moment, the loud music boxes, the dim-lit pandal sheltering some dim-wit people gaping at a dreary looking septuagenarian priest who was chewing into a microphone, were all collectively overwhelming the dignity of the beautiful lady.



There were a few chairs with fewer people occupying them. I started scanning through the faces in attempt to find Mr. Chaddha. Somebody in the crowd took note of me – a stray vagabond in pajamas and bathroom slippers gaping at the proceedings. He briskly approached me with semi-open eyes as if he has just been shaken out of a trance. He was a dimensionally challenged middle-aged man. He appeared to have been raised on ‘desi’ ghee and ‘bilaiti sharaab’. Though he was clean-shaven, his chubby cheeks were sprinkled with tiny black pit-holes(perhaps during his teens he used to prick and pop his pimples and would thoroughly enjoy the squirting of the gooey content). He walked up to me, looked at me into the eyes for a few seconds and then presented a cocky smile. He seemed to be inspired by Sanjay Dutt in Vastav for he wore a white kurta-pajama and a long red tika on his forehead. It gave the impression of a wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time. He ought to be out there breaking into houses and murdering people.



On a closer look I realized that he was Bunty, the eldest son of Mr. Chaddha.



“Any problem”? He asked crossing his thick arms.



“I have a lot of faith and heartily appreciate your efforts”. I opened with a lie. “However, since I have office tomorrow, can you just turn down the volume?”



“If I turn down the volume, won’t these people sitting here doze off? Besides, is there a bigger office than that”? He said pointing at the huge deity of the Goddess Shera-wali at the far end of the pandal.



Then he took a dramatical pause, punched his open left palm with his right fist twice, looked up at the dark sky and said loudly to himself – “how selfish man has become. Oh Mata-Rani, please do not punish us all for the acts of few.”



“I fully agree that she is the greatest shakti; but I am sure she would listen to your prayers even if they are narrated silently but with devotion.” I tried to put forward logic from a corner.



“Today is Maha-Poornima. A full-night religious session would ward away all negative energies that are floating around from all four sides”. He said emphasizing on the expression ‘full-night’. The world has become too busy thinking only about material pleasure. We have stopped thinking about God. You should come and join the crowd and surrender yourself to The Almighty. Forsake the luxuries of worldly glories for this one night and make the Goddess happy. She will then keep you happy for the remaining days of the year.” Bunty counter-attacked.



For the next few seconds, I stood there like a stone staring at him flummoxed if not by the depth but certainly by the heights of his Theological insights. My eyes opened up a bit wider with a couple of realizations. First, Bunty was too blinded by his religious perceptions to visualize my spiritual arguments. Second, and most importantly, the Chaddha family had planned this religious orchestra for the entire night. By the conviction in Bunty’s voice I could make out that they were mighty serious in executing their plan. They were on a mission to demystify the supreme power.



“Can I talk to Chaddha uncle for a few minutes please if you do not mind”? I asked meekly.



By now two more guys had joined Bunty and were staring at me with crude hostility.



“He is occupied in better things. He is praying for all of us. He is praying for global peace and universal brotherhood.” One of the guys said without batting an eyelid. “He desires to meet no one before the puja is over”.



I did not fully understand the agenda of the prayer but the hype that Mr. Chaddha had created for himself forced me to draw an uncanny resemblance between him and The Almighty with a slight difference though – The Almighty does not think himself to be Mr. Chaddha!



The negative energy that Bunty was referring to, for me, came only from one side. I retreated before Bunty and his pals assumed the role of Shiva – the Destroyer. Still trying to recover from the volley of attacks, I decided to take help. I started to move in the direction of the nearby police station when somebody shouted from behind.



“Oye, hello”! It was Bunty again. “Are you thinking of calling the police? Let  me tell you what the police will tell you – by arranging for this Jagrata, Chaddha Saab has automatically arranged for the safety and security of the locality at least for today. By the way you can meet the head-constable here inside the pandal. Now go, try your luck”. They did not bother to stand and look at my reaction.



Stalemate! Game over.



I stood there alone under the tent-lights. I never felt like a bigger idiot. The hymns had made way for a famous Bollywood number – Sheila ki Jawani – with the lyrics replaced to give it a devotional drift.



I could feel gusts of hot wind blowing out of my ears. Something had shot up through the veins into my brain. Thousands of imaginary tiny pins pricked me all over and with every tiny puncture, rage oozed out in fiery bubbles. Then I had another plan.



I moved out and stepped into the dark. I bent and then crawled in the dark to find a pointed stone from under a nearby shrub. Then stealthily, I moved behind the big boxes. I found the wires. I took a deep breath. That was it; in one hard coup I would snap off the wires and that would be my vengeance against the oppression of the self proclaimed messengers of God. I hoisted my arms above my shoulder and was about to wallop the stone on the wires when someone shouted from over my shoulder – “Thief!Thief! Catch him!!”



Sanity overruled. I pulled away. I saw a young boy, someone who had just crossed over from adolescence to teens, charging towards me with something like a bamboo in his hand. In that split second I had to choose between fight and flight.



Without the slightest hesitation I opted for the second. I ran. The kid, a fearless Chaddha prodigy maybe, chased me in full steam. I knew the streets well; albeit the darkness, I ran like a determined sprinter. The bathroom slippers soon flew out of my feet. I did not stop to collect them. I reached the society gate when I realized that I was running alone. The kid had given up the chase. But the point from where the kid pulled back, somebody else picked up. The dogs.



First I was running to save my dignity. Now I was running to save my life.



At first there were 2 of them. Soon a third one joined. I ran like a man possessed in an open street. I could feel the barks closing in very rapidly from behind. Within seconds I could sense one of them inches away from my heels. I felt like a dead meat. Within seconds they would rip me apart. I did not want to die such a disgraceful death.



The next second I did something out of impulse which was at that time of survival the least obnoxious thing to do. In one ..two …. three springs I climbed the roof of a Xylo that was parked beside the street. No sooner did I mount the SUV, the burglar’s alarm went off and so did the parking lights. The sleeping vehicle sprang back to life.



I sat there cross-legged and took an imaginary picture of mine. So there was I panting and gasping for breath at the darkest hour of the night, sitting like a chimp on a roof-top of an SUV on alarm with 3 canines barking their lungs out at me from below. That was my Kodak moment which I would frame and pin-up against a conspicuous wall of my memory.



Help came in the form of the owner of the car. He soon shooed away the dogs. At that moment of mid-night crisis I was in no mood to decode the expression on the face of the owner and nor was I in a situation to render an explanation to him. I simply thanked him, shook his hands and trudged away. He did not stop me. Probably he too was a victim of Chaddha’s histrionics and empathized with me, just as one helpless soul does with another.



I sneaked back into my bed with my mind bobbing in a potpourri of emotions. I was tired after the close shave from dogs and dogmas. The din of the Jag-ratra music had not stopped, the music, even more deafening now, flooded into my ears. I lay there sulking. Each incident played and danced in my head.



Minutes passed. So consumed was I in my thoughts that it took a few moments for me to realize and then a few more to believe the improbable. The music had stopped. Finally they decided to have some mercy and to allow peace prevail. So celestial was the sound of pure silence! Slowly I was slipping into the warm and cozy realms of slumber. There is no greater pleasure than being alive to the gradual transportation of the mind slipping away from a state of the conscious to the sub-conscious.



There is no greater exasperation than to be woken up with a start by a sudden blast of a blaring loudspeaker. This time it came from the other side. It was the early morning muezzin’s call for namaaz. Almost instantly a priest started a fresh round of chants from Chaddha’s workshop. It was a perfect Hindu-Muslim ‘religious jugalbandi’ combined to disastrous effects. I gave up the last hope of getting my share of forty winks. I switched on the television and waited impatiently for the sun to put itself in full display.



Monday morning.



To the muted surprise of all my colleagues, I reached office on time. Heads turned. Jaws dropped. Eyes popped. My boss came out of his chamber and I could feel his gaze following me till I reached my desk. One of my colleagues even had the audacity to ask if I was in my complete physical and mental health to have reached so early. I brushed him aside and let him smirk at his own sarcasm.



Having reached my workstation I turned on my system. Opening my notes, I asked for a cup of coffee. I sat straight with a straighter face for the first few minutes till the buzz on the floor settled and people got back to their office chores. Then it was time for me to let my senses take control over me. Like sweet poison I felt myself slipping into a world of ecstasy. The shoulders drooped. The body slid. Eyes closed. Head dropped. The mind was finally at peace.



Office is such a lovely place to relax after a hard-night’s work.

Valentine @ KFC

Valentine day is a day of expression. You express your love for that someone special. In other words, it is a day on which record number of people say “I LOVE U” and hope to say the same a year later to hopefully the same person. This day is the most planned of all days in the entire calendar. Everything from “good mornings” to “good nights” is planned well in advance. Important office/college work is kept on hold just so that the mornings and nights are not only good but excellent.

The planning is not only confined to the people who do a “celebration” of love but also by the resource providers. Who are they you may ask? These are no one but the florist, Archie’s gallery, hallmark people who sell stuff at higher prices on this day with a view to recover all their year’s costs! All in the name of providing your respective love one day of happiness which should be enough to last for a year (even though you don’t care to express it for the next 364 days).

But ultimately it is the pressure to conform to such rituals which drives all couples to conjure various routes of expression. Hence I set out on a journey of self righteousness to find a way to provide the most perfect articulation of love. Heavy isn’t it?

It was my 1st valentine and I made the biggest rookie mistake – I forgot to plan! So here I was on 12th February amidst high valentine day inflation to create a plan out of nothing. Then in a “Home Alone” kind of way, I drew up a baby plan to support the cause. Flowers in the morning, good happiness lunch in the afternoon, snacks on the house and then a lavish dinner. Pls don’t ask for the quotations for this plan. Let’s just say that if there was anything more than this, I would have most certainly required to take a small loan or something from friends, family, RBI etc.

“Ye bouquet ka 300 rupees hoga sahib (this bouquet is for Rs 300 sir)” barked the extremely busy florist. 300 bucks for something I would call a small twig planted in a takeaway pav bhaji style plastic container with a few roses who most certainly passed their prime (they might as well have been last year’s valentine day rejects). When I complained about the sky high price and quality, the florist replied “2 din pehle toh aisa hi hota hai, kya aapka pehla hai kya? Log toh pehle se hi order kar lete hai! Dekhiye Bhabhiji ko kush karna ho toh ye chal jayega…nahi toh thoda aur paise dalke “MEGA Bouquet” le sakte ho. Ek Cadbury iske saath free hai (you will get such prizes 2 days prior to V-day. I think this is your 1st time. Others do ordering in advance. Let me tell you something, add some more money, get this bouquet on which you get a Cadbury free!)”. WOW!! Valentine day combo offer from a florist for my lady love! There can be nothing more uncomfortable than to discuss what my lady love would like and what not with a florist!

Then with a lot of lightness in my wallet (around 350 rupees lighter – 50 rupees “special delivery charges”) I gave the florist the address of delivery and then went off. On 13th February, I realized another fact – I haven’t purchased any gift! Getting off my bus @ 9:15 pm, I rushed to Archies gallery fearing that it might be closed. But no, it was open, special valentine day thing where they remain open for a fairer part of the night for bakras like me who forget stuff! The guys at such shops are really laid back people who know that I am the person in need and would give any prize to escape the wrath of my lady love. They have catalogue specially placed to confuse you and put you in a bigger dilemma – what to get! Finally after going through the entire catalogue for more than 45 minutes, I got a gift which would ensure that I am safe for at least a year.

So the day finally arrived, my 1st valentine day! Morning was perfect. I got up, called her in order to make her day. Then I got my 1st shock, the florist who was suppose to reach her place by 8 am was late in a big way! Maybe the logistics calculation went wrong somewhere! Anyways, I was at a loss, 350 bucks on a bouquet and no smile on her face - a raw deal indeed. I liaised with her roommate to ensure that she was late that day. The place worked and they got the bouquet on the road to office! A smile on the face which implied 350 rupees well spent!

Lunch and snacks went to plan and through my wallet! Office was a breeze that day as most of the people were either busy forwarding valentine day emails or on call with their respective partners. Basically, telecom industry works and toils hard for this day! Surprisingly this day doesn’t see any network congestion or sms delay! It’s like they flip a switch to get that extra spectrum for such times!

Anyways, after an eventful day @ office, we left for dinner which highlighted my second mistake – No reservations! Guys and girls, let me tell you something, you can forget the flowers, gifts and cards, but you cannot afford to forget reservation, single most important aspect on valentine day - something which can make or break your day, something which puts the “!” mark or “?” mark on your love commitment!

However, this was my second mistake and I had to deal with it. We went to a restaurant and asked for a table for 2. When explained about the absence of a reservation, the guy at the reception gave a chuckle and asked us to wait for a very small duration of time – 90 mins - to get a table. Sighting some good opportunities on the horizon, we left the 1st place and went to another one. Slowly, slowly, the horizon became an oasis and the prospect of having a nice fun filled dinner was looking like a remote possibility.

Finally, the most regrettable decision was taken and we headed over to KFC for our valentine day dinner. The shock of my life would have been a waiting list for that place also, but God isn’t that cruel. KFC, McDonalds are places made for boneheads like us who forget the 1 important things on a day like this. So, there I was, in KFC, at a small table, biting in on a freshly oiled chicken drumstick and pushing towards her the gift of Valentine! She was happy! After a very average day, she was happy and that put the “!” mark in the relationship!

I would never forget this day on 2 counts, it taught me the very beautiful yet often ignored art of planning and KFC chicken is really good!

Luxury versus Necessity!

Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more. Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.

So, what’s wrong and where? When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don’t have. You have a Santro, but you want City. You have a City, but you want Skoda. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money. I mean, these examples are endless. The point is, does it actually worth? Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?

After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don’t. May be I didn’t need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player. When I see my father back at home, he has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn’t need 32″ Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says ‘Its a phone, I need this just for calls.’ And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn’t want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. It’s a very fine line between these two, but after looking my father’s life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32″ plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.

Initially I had lot of questions.

I am earning good, still I am not happy… Why ?

I have all luxuries, still I am stressed… Why ?

I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired… Why?

I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don’t know if I have the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realized that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the stay-connected syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnect. On the weekend, trying to avoid unwanted calls is keeping my mind always full of stress. I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn, even then I am always worried about money and more money. I realized that I am saving more money than I would ever need but still I am stressed about job and salary and spending.

May be, many people will call this approach not a progressive attitude, but I want my life back. Ultimately it’s a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I’ll never be happy tomorrow morning. I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved ones; spending time with yourself is the most important thing. If on Sunday you are alone and you don’t have anybody to talk with, then all those luxuries of life, all that money is wasted. May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today’s happiness is a worthwhile thing to do. May be selling off your Santro and buying a Honda City on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.

I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associate with it.

"Change does not Happen when Circumstances Improve. Change happens when YOU Decide to Improve YOUR circumstances!"

Rainy Day

The rainy season is at its peak, the earth looks as if it has just had a bath, it smells and looks so fresh.

Most people around me don’t like rains, they say it is all “kitch-kitch”, you and your work gets stuck, the clothes don’t dry so on and so forth.

But me on the other hand just love the rains….but I am not writing an essay on how much I love rains (i.e. I am not going to bore you) but today while coming to office in bus, I had time to revisit the days of our childhood.

When we all were in school, the rainy season used to mean so much fun and the days that I particularly looked forward to were, what came to be known as “rainy days”. I would like to narrate a rainy day which probably we all will identify with……

When mom woke me up in the morning, I realized that it was raining cats and dogs outside, it was so difficult to get out of that cozy blanket, it would be so much fun to just snuggle inside for a few more minutes(really precious minutes those..).

Then reluctantly I got up and watched the ponds created by the rain God’s outside, just idling wanting to do nothing.

Then Mom informs me that it has been raining like that throughout the night, and yes! I have this greatest lamp (firecracker I will say) of hope inside me that this might be a “rainy day” and the school might just declare a holiday!!

With renewed vigor I got up, and got ready for school, because for some reason I was sure that school would be off today. Every time the rain subsided my heart started to sink that it might just stop!

But fortunately it never did.

I waited for my autowala bhaiya (we called him “kaka”) who used to pick me up (this was a time when we hadn’t started going by bicycle, at those times rains were a completely different kind of fun). That was my first hope that kaka might just not come, as the seconds ticked by, my anxiety heightened.

It was 11.15 am and he used to always come by 11 am. I told mom very confidently (and very casually as if it was not of much importance) that I better change; it was no use now he was not coming. But mom knew better, she said to wait. (You know we all think that we all are very smart, but even today moms are wiser and smarter than us all)

And I think you all must have guessed what must have happened next, yes, he came, and I was devastated, and trust me this is not a hyperbole, those days these things mattered so much….

But I consoled myself and sat in the auto, there was still hope, all was not lost ,at school it happened many times that the students were told to go back as the attendance was too thin or because it was raining like hell. That was my beacon of hope now. I could see everyone in the auto was thinking the same, and when a couple of my friends in the auto did not come, I got excited. You see the key to getting a day off was low attendance……

Then our auto reached the school, battling through all the puddles and potholes. We peered out to see what was happening but the rain was too thick to see anything. We waited for the auto to stop.

Then dreading the moment, we lifted the covers (that autos have on the sides) to see what the situation was.....

My heart did a back-fillip; my class-teacher was standing at the gate and was informing everyone that the school was closed for today. We all were so happy; we got out of the auto and started playing in the rain. Kaka was shouting hysterically at us, but we were probably the happiest people on earth at that moment.

Finally we got into the auto and returned home.Everytime the auto would stop to drop anyone we used to get down and enthusiastically bid goodbye to our friend (getting wet in the process).

Finally I reached home happily and when mom saw me she had a smile on her face……

Then I came back to the present in my bus. There was the same rain outside like my childhood, but there was no hope of a rainy day here.

I really became sad, realizing how things have changed. I get up in the morning, it is raining like hell, but it doesn’t matter, I have to get to the office anyhow. There is no sign of my friendly and lovable kaka, who might not turn up.

There is this company bus, and if it doesn’t come for any reason, then there is no fun, just more trouble.

You have to reach the office, else it will count as a leave or some important work might get stuck.

And if for some condition extraordinaire the company does declare an off, there is this dread that the company might call you on weekend to make up for the lost time.

There is no getting wet in the rain, there is no mom to welcome me and take care of me when I return home drenched.

How things have changed….I wish I could return to those carefree days and live my childhood again.

One thing that has still not changed is the smile and twinkle in the eye of my mother when I return home but that is only once every few months now.

An encounter with an Astrologer !!

"Let's visit our neighbour. A relative of theirs who happens to be an old man and his wife are famous astrologers. Let us ask him about your future", my mom told me one day. That was the most unfortunate day of my life as I had a screwed up interview back to back, I was jobless and moreover lost my hope of getting a job.

I resisted, for astrologers were the ones who I hated the most. I told my mom that I was uninterested and she can take my younger brother instead. But my defiance was in vain and my mom took me to their house.

Upon arrival, I saw an old man and his wife of 70-75 years old. My mom, my younger brother and myself bowed down and touched their feet. The neighbouring aunty who was also our family friend brought us tea and introduced us to the old couple who happened to be her maternal uncle and aunt. I smiled at them. The old lady smiled at me in return. But the old man was adamant. I felt he was too egoistic to smile at us. I ignored him.

After filling our tummy with tea, my mom told me to sit beside the old couple. The old lady immediately took a pen and paper, drew a square box with many parallelograms withiin it ( The same diagram which we see in our kundali). She handed the pen and paper to me and asked to me fill each one of the box with random numbers 1 to 9 in any manner. The number shouldnt be repeated. I thought this was a something to do with sudoku kind of a thing. I filled the boxes and returned the same to her.

The moment I handed the paper, the old man suddenly became active and started calculating something in his mind. The old lady used to tell him the box in which I penned down the numbers and the old man used to go in a different world. This continued for almost 5-10 min and finally I got my result. It was as if I was playing Kaun Banega Crorepati and was waiting whether I had one 1 crore or not.

I was awestruck and numb to hear what the old man said about my past life. This was my first meeting with him and everything he told about me was perfect. I became curious. The old man said that he was telling me about my past to assure me that what ever he ways about my future will be true. I agreed.

He went to his own world of calculations in mind and started telling me about where I will be, my job, my career etc. etc. etc. I listened patiently and my subconscious mind told me that I should believe his words.

After me, it was the turn of my younger brother. The same process repeated again and the old man said exactly what my brother had gone through. He told his future too.

After the entire saga, we started back to our home. My brother and I were now in a different world and were discussing and excavating each and every mathematical formula that made the old man predict our destiny. One unique feature was that he never used the pen and paper on which we entered the numbers. My mom asked me that night,"Did you both notice any peculiar feature about the couple?"

"No", we said.

"Hahaha!!" she laughed and said," the man who told your future is blind for the last 10 years!!!"

We both sat down speechless!!

Since that day, I realised the importance of astrology. Even today, I never visit an astrologer but I stopped making fun of them too. It is upto you whether to believe or not!!

हिंदी में जीवन का चक्र(My Resume)

सौरभ कुकरेजा
# 8, जेड गार्डन, Viman नगर,
 पुणे (महाराष्ट्र)
kukreja.saurabh @ gmail.com
+91 9158056534 
भारत


   सारांश
• एक गतिशील अमीर आईटी 3.5 + खुदरा डोमेन में अनुभव के वर्षों के साथ अनुभव के 4 + साल होने पेशेवर
.• वर्तमान में वरिष्ठ तकनीकी एसोसिएट के रूप में टेक महिंद्रा लिमिटेड, पुणे के साथ जुड़े.ओरेकल खुदरा स्टोर समाधान के कार्यात्मक और तकनीकी विशेषज्ञता (सेवा के प्वाइंट, वापस कार्यालय और केन्द्रीय कार्यालय)
• पूर्ण स्टोर खरोंच से GoLive के लिए समाधान के चार सफल परियोजनाओं.
• खुदरा कॉर्प, दुबई और Sunrider इंटरनेशनल, चीन के लिए जाओ लाइव टीम के हिस्सा है
.• व्यवसाय के साथ काम कर रहे हैं, ग्राहक की जरूरतों को समझने, तकनीकी संवर्धन निर्दिष्टीकरण की तैयारी में अनुभव पर हाथ, कार्यक्षमता और इकाई परीक्षण का विकास करना
.• उत्कृष्ट पारस्परिक संचार और विश्लेषणात्मक कौशल अधिकारी
.• योग्यता करने के लिए स्वतंत्र रूप से और के रूप में एक टीम का हिस्सा काम



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तकनीकी कौशल

आपरेटिंग Windows 2000 / XP प्रो, Oracle Enterprise Linux के, Red Hat Linux के सिस्टम


कुंजी कौशल जावा, J2EE, HTML, XMLओरेकल खुदरा स्टोर समाधान उत्पाद में खुदरा


 डोमेन विशेषज्ञता: Oracle सेवा, वापस कार्यालय और केन्द्रीय कार्यालय के खुदरा प्वाइंट


अनुप्रयोग सर्वर Oracle अनुप्रयोग सर्वर 11g, Oracle अनुप्रयोग सर्वर 10g


अन्य उपकरण / विशेष सॉफ्टवेयर ग्रहण, मेंढक, Aquadata, SoapUI, कछुआ SVN, तो Microsoft Office


सिस्टम आवश्यकताएँ विश्लेषण / विकास संवर्धन, डिजाइन, विकास और तैनाती, और दस्तावेज़ीकरण.



कैरियर प्रोफाइल


कॉक्स संचार (कॉक्स केबल और पूर्व कॉक्स प्रसारण निगम और आयाम केबल सेवा के रूप में भी जाना जाता है) कॉक्स उद्यम संयुक्त राज्य अमेरिका में डिजिटल केबल टीवी, दूरसंचार और वायरलेस सेवाओं को उपलब्ध कराने के एक निजी स्वामित्व वाली सहायक कंपनी है. यह संयुक्त राज्य अमेरिका में तीसरी सबसे बड़ी केबल टीवी प्रदाता है, 29 लाख डिजिटल केबल ग्राहकों, 3.5 मिलियन इंटरनेट उपभोक्ताओं, और 2.2 मिलियन डिजिटल टेलीफोन उपभोक्ताओं सहित अधिक से अधिक 6.2 मिलियन ग्राहकों की सेवा. कॉक्स अटलांटा के जॉर्जिया, अमेरिका, उत्तर में मुख्यालय है.


अवधि: मई 2011 आज तककंपनी टेक महिंद्रा लिमिटे
डग्राहक: कॉक्स कम्युनिकेशंस (यूएसए)
भूमिका: टीम लीड
ORSS संस्करण: 13.0.3.4


जिम्मेदारियों:
• सेवा परियोजना के कॉक्स प्वाइंट के लिए अपतटीय समन्वयक
.• चेक भुगतान के प्राधिकरण के तीसरे पक्ष authorizer telecheck के माध्यम से विकास
• कस्टम उपयोगिता के विकास के लिए कर्मचारी और उत्कृष्टता से डेटा आइटम के लिए DIMP उत्पन्न
• साइबेल के साथ कस्टम अंतरफलक के विकास के बिल भुगतान के लिए आदेश और AIA लाने के लिए.
• के विकास के वायरलेस Seibel के माध्यम से बनाया आदेश हैंडसेट और उपसाधन जोड़ने की प्रक्रिया




लैंडमार्क समूह मध्य पूर्व में सबसे बड़ा और सबसे सफल खुदरा संगठनों के रूप में विकसित किया गया है. एक अंतरराष्ट्रीय, विविध खुदरा समूह है कि उद्यमिता को प्रोत्साहित करने के लिए लगातार असाधारण मूल्य देने, समूह 1000 मध्य पूर्व, भारत, मिस्र, तुर्की, यमन और पाकिस्तान भर में 18 से अधिक मिलियन वर्ग फुट के एक खुदरा उपस्थिति शामिल दुकानों पर संचालित (मताधिकार आपरेशन )


अवधि: Aug 2010 से मई 2011
कंपनी: Infogain इंडिया प्राइवेट लिमिटेड
ग्राहक: लैंडमार्क समूह (दुबई)
भूमिका: टीम लीड
ORSS संस्करण: 13.1.3

 जिम्मेदारियों
:• मील का पत्थर सगाई के लिए ऑनसाइट समन्वयक.
• नए एकीकरण और नई निविदाएं प्रक्रिया प्रवाह Seibel संबंधित संवर्द्धन के लिए आवश्यकताएँ सभा
.• केंद्रीय कार्यालय से स्टोर क्रेडिट के मध्य पुनः प्राप्ति के लिए कस्टम इंटरफ़ेस
.• डिजाइन और प्रक्रिया के विकास के लिए नए टेंडर जोड़ने के लिए वफादारी अंक (विनिमय प्रमाणपत्र और वफादारी उपहार वाउचर) विनिमय. यह भी Seibel WebServices का उपयोग कर के साथ एकीकरण शामिल हैं.तक सुलह में 
• परिवर्तन और नई निविदा के लिए रिपोर्ट.
• नव जोडी निविदा के लिए रसीद परिवर्तन
• नए जोड़े निविदा के लिए केंद्रीय कार्यालय पर लेन - देन पर नजर में संवर्द्धन
.• एसआईटी और मील का पत्थर कॉर्पोरेट कार्यालय में UAT पर्यावरण की स्थापना
• UAT के दौरान प्रश्न व्यापार उपयोगकर्ता का संकल्प

गीले सील एक युवा महिलाओं के कपड़ों की तलहटी Ranch, कैलिफोर्निया में मुख्यालय रिटेलर है. यह मामूली कीमत ब्रांड नाम और कंपनी डिजाइन परिधान और उपसाधन वहन करती है. कंपनी न्यूपोर्ट बीच, कैलिफोर्निया में Lorne Huycke द्वारा स्थापित किया गया था 1962 में "के रूप में Lorne है." "गीले सील" नाम एक टिप्पणी Lorne Huycke टिप्पणी है कि एक मॉडल एक स्नान सूट पहने एक "गीला सील" की तरह देखा एक फैशन शो के दौरान बनाया से आता है.


अवधि: मई 2010 से जुलाई 2011 तक
कंपनी: Infogain इंडिया प्राइवेट लिमिटेड
ग्राहक: WetSeal (कैलिफोर्निया)
भूमिका: समर्थन इंजीनियर
ORSS संस्करण: 13.1.1


जिम्मेदारियों:
• केन्द्रीय कार्यालय लेनदेन ट्रैकर में मुद्दों को हल. स्वनिर्धारित purging लिपियों के लिए डेटा को हटाने लिखा है
.• आइटम फ़ीड के प्रीलोड डेटा गुम
• हल पैरामीटर समयबद्धन से संबंधित मुद्दे
.• ग्राहक समर्थन इंजीनियर के विभिन्न दैनिक मुद्दों और वहाँ संकल्प के बारे में प्रशिक्षण दिया


Sunrider निगम, या Sunrider अंतरराष्ट्रीय, मताधिकार दुनिया भर में दुकानों के हजारों के साथ एक निजी स्वामित्व वाली प्रत्यक्ष बिक्री कंपनी है, लक्ष्य है जिनमें से कहा, "दुनिया भर में सभी लोगों को धन और स्वास्थ्य लाने". इसका मुख्यालय Torrance, कैलिफोर्निया में हैं. Sunrider चार विनिर्माण दुनिया भर में संयंत्रों में स्वास्थ्य, सौंदर्य, भोजन, और घरेलू उत्पाद बनाती है. Sunrider 42 देशों में दुनिया भर में कारोबार करता है, और संचालित 22 देशों में कार्यालयों है.


अवधि: Oct 2009 से अप्रैल 2010 तक
कंपनी: Infogain इंडिया प्राइवेट लिमिटेड
ग्राहक: Sunrider (हांगकांग और चीन)
भूमिका: सॉफ्टवेयर इंजीनियर
ORSS संस्करण: 13.1.1


जिम्मेदारियों:
• कस्टम उपयोगिता के लिए एक्सेल शीट से DIMP उत्पन्न
.• ओरेकल ईबीएस और ORSS के बीच आइटम डेटा, स्टोर पदानुक्रम और पण्य पदानुक्रम के लिए मानचित्रण की पहचान
• ORSIM में वास्तविक समय सूची अद्यतन के लिए कस्टम इंटरफ़ेस
• लेनदेन स्थानीय और ग्राहक पुनः प्राप्त करने के लिए केन्द्र से पुनः प्राप्त किया जा
• क्रेडिट लेनदेन से हस्ताक्षर कब्जा प्रवाह हटाना.• चीनी स्थानीयकरण के लिए समर्थन प्रदान करना
.• हटाना नए आइटम कार्यक्षमता जोड़ने के लिए यदि नहीं मिला आइटम
• केवल ग्राहक का नाम दिखाई (गैर संपादन) गैर होम स्टोर में होना चाहिए.गैर ओरेकल ढेर पर BackOffice के अधिष्ठापन (Oracle XE यूनिवर्सल के साथ JBoss)हमारे ग्राहकों का उत्पादन पर्यावरण में ORSS समाधान की तैनाती 
.• भूत छवि और उत्पादन मशीनों के निर्माण क्लोनिंगग्राहक स्टाफ की निगरानी ORSS के लिए कॉर्पोरेट और स्टोर स्तर पर प्रशिक्षण
• वारंटी समर्थन


लिमिटेड ब्रांड अपनी विक्टोरिया की सीक्रेट, गुलाबी, स्नान और शारीरिक वर्क्स, सीओ के माध्यम से व्यक्तिगत देखभाल और सौंदर्य उत्पाद, परिधान और सामान बेचता है बिगेलो, ला Senza, व्हाइट बार्न मोमबत्ती कंपनी और हेनरी Bendel ब्रांडों. कंपनी के उत्पादों में 3,000 से अधिक विशेषता भंडार राष्ट्रव्यापी उपलब्ध हैं. लिमिटेड ब्रांड 2008 में 9 अरब डॉलर की बिक्री दर्ज की गई और संयुक्त राज्य भर में 90,000 से अधिक साथियों को रोजगार.लिमिटेड ब्रांड उपयोग ORSS (ओरेकल खुदरा स्टोर समाधान) सेवा (Pos), वापस कार्यालय और लेनदेन की प्रक्रिया और लेनदेन के डेटा रिकॉर्ड करने के लिए केन्द्रीय कार्यालय के प्वाइंट भी शामिल है. हम तीन ब्रांडों के लिए अनुकूलन किया:• अमेरिका के लिए विक्टोरिया की सीक्रेट (वीएसएस)• कनाडा के लिए विक्टोरिया की सीक्रेट (गुलाबी)• स्नान और शारीरिक वर्क्स (बीबीडब्ल्यू)


अवधि: मई 2009 से अक्टूबर 2009
कंपनी: Infogain इंडिया प्राइवेट लिमिटेड
ग्राहक: लिमिटेड ब्रांड्स इंक (ओहियो, संयुक्त राज्य अमेरिका)
भूमिका: सॉफ्टवेयर इंजीनियर
ORSS संस्करण: 13.0.2


जिम्मेदारियों:
• कनाडा दुकान स्थापना के लिए कॉन्फ़िगरेशन परिवर्तन
• कनाडा स्टोर कार्यान्वयन के लिए FIPAY Pinpad डिवाइस के एकीकरण.
• गिरावट प्रतिक्रिया के ए से मामले में चिट मुद्रण• क्रेडिट और डेबिट प्राप्ति के लिए रसीद परिवर्तन.
• ORPOS कोड के संस्करण 13.0.2 से 13.0.2.2.x मर्ज• बारकोड के साथ स्थिति और केंद्रीय कार्यालय ट्रांसेक्शन ट्रैकर पर आइटम आईडी की जगह
• उत्पादन मुद्दे हल


RetailCorp दुबई स्थित अचल संपत्ति डेवलपर Nakheel खुदरा श्रृंखला है. यह संयुक्त अरब अमीरात में लगभग 40 दुकानों और 11 ब्रांडों के साथ लगभग हर मॉल में अपनी दुकानों को है.


अवधि: अप्रैल 2008 से अप्रैल 2009 तक
कंपनी: Infogain इंडिया प्राइवेट लिमिटेड
ग्राहक: Nakheel RetailCorp (दुबई)
भूमिका: सॉफ्टवेयर इंजीनियर
ORSS संस्करण: 12.0.3


जिम्मेदारियों:
• ORPOS ORBO, और ORCO के लिए Windows और Linux पर पर्यावरण सेटअप (Oracle अनुप्रयोग 10.1.3 सर्वर, Oracle डाटाबेस 10g 10.2.0.2, ORPOS और ORBO की स्थापना
• ORSS और Oracle खुदरा उत्पादों के बीच डेटा प्रवास के लिए DDI सेटअप
• ORPOS की बिक्री रसीद का छोटा के लिए अनुकूलन
• कोड विन्यास प्रबंधन और वितरण पर काम कियाORSS उत्पादों के RMS और ReSA के साथ एकीकरण परीक्षण• भूत छवि और उत्पादन मशीनों के निर्माण क्लोनिंग
• उत्पादन मुद्दों एक दोष के विश्लेषण और संकल्प
• ORPOS ORBO, और अंत उपयोगकर्ताओं के लिए ORCO कार्यात्मक


 समर्थनपर्सनल विस्तार

जन्म तिथि: 2 नवंबर 1984
स्थायी पता: 290 आर मॉडल टाउनसोनीपत - १,३१,००१ (HRY)
पासपोर्ट संख्या: E7095268
अमेरिकी वीजा स्थिति: टेक महिंद्रा से H1B
                        मान्य 2020 तक ऊपर B1

Who are these idiots anyway?

A voluntary organisation working to root out the ragging problem recently complained to the Supreme Court-appointed anti-ragging committee that ragging was being glorified in 3 idiots. I am afraid that the nightmare I had few days back would soon be a reality. I saw a few new cases in the court. Few important ones as follows

1. Ramesh Sippy for Sholay: Gabbar Singh glorifying dacoits. Some NGOs feel that Gabbar Singh inspired Veerappan to take on the similar profession. They also claim that there was a secret meeting between late Amjad Khan and Veerappan where some training sessions were conducted by the former. As reservation of ladies is a must, the session was also attended by Phulan Devi. Sources say the Osama Bin Laden was denied visa to attend these training sessions.

2. Amir Khan for Lagaan: (Looks like Amir has a hidden agenda of making controversial films for no reason.) Character Lakha deliberately drops Russel’s catch in the cricket match. Some NGO says that Ashutosh was ready with the story much before the match fixing scandal and he played an instrumental role in inspiring Azharuddin and Cronje into fixing matches. Some sources also say that he was with Cronje in that plane trying to convince him that how a cricketer can still drop catches even if he has no agenda. Just before the plane crash a South African villager saw Ashutosh jump from the plane and land safely on the ground unhurt. Must be a strong man. Else how can you explain a man remaining unhurt even after distributors beat him when they lost all their money in What’s you Rashee. Coming back to the point, that NGO is still trying to pull Amir Khan Productions to court for inspiring cricketers into match fixing. BCCI and ICC (first time together) have a valid argument against that. They say the Indian cricketers drop catches anyways, be it match fixing or not. Latest example can be India – Sri Lanka Series.

3. Boney Kapoor for Mr. India: Boney Kapoor now a days is busy in pre-production of Mr. India Sequel. He was caught napping by an NGO (supposedly had a noble cause of save water – save earth drive). They have sued him for wasting thousand’s of liters of water on Sridevi’s famous rain-dance number. But many men through social networking site have objected this stand by NGO saying that the NGO doesn’t care for the sentiments of millions of us who have grown up watching Sridevi dance. In fact after this news, many idiots (read again as film makers) are taking proactive measures against these NGOs hitting them. To name a few, Subhash Ghai, Yash Chopra, The Kapoor Khandaan.

4. Yash Chopra for DDLJ: An NGO has sued Yash Chopra once again for “unacceptable” behaviour by the hero’s father with the groom’s aunt. The NGO says that the scene where Anupam Kher flirts with Himani Shivpuri has inspired a few soon-to-be-father-in-laws into flirting with random women during weddings in some village in North India. In defense, Yash Chopra’s son Aditya Chopra said that he will make another movie with Shahrukh Khan where Shahrukh now (as it is the age now reflects on his face) will be the father-in-law and instead of flirting with women, he will flirt with some good looking men during the wedding. He is sure that this will negate all the negative impact the movie has had till date.

5. Ram Gopal Verma for all his films post Sarkaar: An NGO says that a significant amount of film goers have got a permanent headache might be termed as migraine after watching his films. And they want Ramu to stop making movies completely in the larger interest of the nation.

All these issues were raised by the NGOs “in the interest of the people of India”. And I thought I am one of those people of India. I wonder whom these NGOs are representing

The Great ACCENTURE- Nitin Jain

This time     Accenture>_{High Performance delivered}      girls r rocking …………..

These five girls r quite different from d rest of class………jaise mahabharat me paanch pandav they, vaise hi ye ladkiyan apne aap me uniq hain………….mind blowing …. Excellent performers…………

first I wil talk abt Monica , not monika ……… she has very nice nature & charming smile …….. achchhe se treat karne vali …………… hamesha  vo ek muskan aur utsah ke saath nazar aati hai ………… aur main kya kahun ………. pahle hi maine uski diary me bahut likh diya hai ………. lekin main unhe nhi bhula hu jo kisi karan se mujhse apni slambuk nhi bharva payi hain …………

jaise ki  Meenu ……….. she’z all rounder of my class …………. iske jaise ladkiyan kafi kam hi hoti hain ……………… ek to ye intelligent ……… well confident ……… nice looking ………… n very clever ………. gurgaon ki jo hai …………. 1^st yr ka mera b’day wala din mujhe jarur yaad rahega, jab cheeka ne phone karke invite kiya aur yen aaye bhi …….. thats one of d memorable days in my college life ……….. kafi masti ki thi ham sabne ………. aur iss bar bhi mujhe kafi  achchha laga …………. yaar ek kaam karte hain, gurgaon chalte hain ………. meenu hame movie bhi dikhayegi …………. mall bhi ghumayegi …………. candle light dinner bhi karayegi …………….. itna to vishwash hai us par ………….. hurrrrrrry up as she wil run out shortly ………..

now coming to  Vandana, she’z knowledgeable, generous, hamesha achchha perform karne vali ……….. strong will power determination …….. help karne vali ……….. like arjuna, always aim at eye of d bird ………… hamesha 1^st/2^nd bench pe baithna aur teacher ko sincerely sunna ……….. full attendance …………… iss puri class ke chhakke chhuda diye like sachin ……….. aur kyun na ho , mere sonepat ki jo hai ………..

vaise ladki to  Diksha bhi badi hoshiyar hai ……….. slim drim si ladki ………… kabhi tension nhi leti aur har kisi chahe vo fast frn ho ya simple frn, even not much known …………. she talks very well ……….. a big smile always resides on her face …….. very good habit ………. n she’ll b ofcourse appreciated for her cool n humble attitude ………

finally talking of   Shivani, apne aap me mast rahne vali ………. determination to stand by herself only ………. different attitude …………. always works individually ……….. bold n courageous ……….. sweet  n  sour ……….

They r entering into professional lives in Chennai – extreme south …………… plz thoda sa apna dhyan rakhna ……..don’t freak  unnecessarily………ok………bye……………May God give them happiness in life, cheeriness’ on face for ever , royalty by profession  n a lot of memorable moments full of pleasure .

Ur  Frnd  Always

Nitin Jain
Also read Famous Mail From My Friend

Independence or in-dependence?

The saffron, green & white colors sparkled as the royal cloth which was embellished by a big blue wheel tried to push the wind and raise itself amidst cheer and hustle bustle on a usually quiet Tuesday morning at my college. People smiled and congratulated each other 60 years of Republican life. I noticed that the flag tried hard but could not battle out the wind; it was not upright and in fact never so, since I have ever seen it. Eyes were glistening as I imagined the triumphant valor with which the loyalists had fought to give us the Republic. This year there were not many events. I wondered whether people had slowly got used to the ritual every year.

As I fell into my reverie, I heard some teachers discussing household stories, while some patriotic songs were being played. Classical singers were singing meticulously with technical perfection, but they were half note off the key of patriotism. As their lyrics were chanting praises of their nation, they were aware of their cousins sleeping soundly in UK or returning from their offices in US. Some teacher was talking about how difficult it was to tell the household lady to come today since some guests were expected for lunch.

Joshi Sir was complaining that many students were dozing off this year, and some others who were there marked their attendance and gleefully joined their friends at the nearby restaurant. I recognized Prof. S.K. Verma , our maths teacher’s sleepy voice when he said ‘Being a holiday, it’s the best time to visit relatives.’ One retired teacher didn’t agree much since her son and daughter-in-law had taken the 4 days to enjoy their beach vacation to Konkan….’ she began describing the beauty of Konkan. Some teachers were yawning in between… And students cared less. While I could actually visualize Mister and his wife coming back, making the best of their ‘long weekend’ looking as happy and proud as the patriots who made us Republic.

Back home, I had hunted for the definition of ‘Republic’. A form of government in which the head of state is not a monarch [1] (the second meaning is funnier!) , the people (or at least a part of its people,hehe!)[2] have an impact on its government. Wikipedia laughed at my ignorance! But the problem was that little did smart Wiki know that more than 1 billion people in my country were still ignorant of this meaning.

Meanwhile, our saffron friend was perched up the sky and could not agree more with my thoughts. I realized that it was a holiday and celebration for us, but for him it was a ritual every year. For over 60 years he had battled the winds of poverty, destitution, inequity. Storms of change pushed him down. Corruption, Cruelty & and Politics tried to block his way. Illiteracy ignored him. Still he managed to keep his head up. Furthermore he was bent down with the weight of injustice, inequality & discrimination. Inspite of being risen in the largest democracy in this world, our friend had no voice. Where was his freedom to speak, express & change? The part of the public who had formed the republican had never represented his concerns. And with the little remaining life in him, he held the pride in being called the honour of a developing nation.

‘Ma , what did we get Freedom from?’, asked the Kulkarni maam’s daughter. Her mother was lost in thought.

The national anthem rang clear. And the whole audience stood in rapt attention till it ended. (this is the only privileged moment when you don’t feel the population of the country!) With every word of the national oath, I realized that all these years we had celebrated freedom from an individual; our minds were still fettered. As the peons started distributing sweets, the public started dispersing back to their life of depending on their so-called ‘independence. 

The Best Chocolate of my life

First day of office… New company and a new process to work…. It was a sunny day, early morning at 8 a.m. our training was about to start. As it was a new job for me, I was very nervous, but was ready to face the crowd. There was a formal introduction going on… I mentioned in my introduction that I love chocolates and I always carry them with me..!

As the day progressed the trainer gave us our first break and a guy came up to me & asked, “Hey do you have any chocolate to eat?” I turned back to see him & there was a tall, fair guy standing in front of me. I was surprised to know that a stranger is asking me for a chocolate...! Anyways I answered him, “I’ am sorry I don’t have any…” As I entered my training room I was surprised to see the same guy in the room and his name was Arush.

Three weeks passed like autumn passes away. I still remember the last day of our Voice and Accent training, it was the time for our final assessments, Arush called me in the smoking zone and asked me like a true gentlemen, “Would you like to share chocolates with me throughout my life?” I was shocked to hear that and was very confused. I asked him intentionally will you please explain me what exactly you want to say. He replied, “I want to eat chocolates with you throughout my life, would you like to spend your life with me?” I was acting as if I did not understand anything, but deep inside my heart I was nervous.

Our assessments were over and we all were certified but I was in other world as I was thinking about Arush's question. We started with our process training and our interaction also started becoming friendly. We exchanged our phone numbers. After the 9hrs hectic shift we used to wait for each other, we used to sit in the lawn for hours and hours forgetting our tiredness… One weekend he asked me for a movie and that was my first date with him…!!

Our meeting point was our office. It was raining when I reached office and he was just admiring me with his big eyes. Even I used to admire him but I was unable to find the reason for this. Was that “LOVE”…!! I was confused. On that same rainy day he again asked me, “Will you marry me and I answered him “Yes, I’ am ready to share chocolates with you throughout my life.”

I didn’t even realized how eight months passed away with him. As a baby starts walking by holding his Dad’s finger even, I started walking with him on the path called “LIFE”. After eight months he went back to his home town to take permission for our marriage but his family was against our relationship. They told him not to go back to Pune and they tried their best to keep him away from me. I was very afraid that whether he will come back or not. But his decision was firm and after 3 months he was successful to come back from his home town. He proved me wrong and the final day arrived that was Sunday.

It was 6’O clock in the morning and after waiting for a long time I saw him on the station. He made my weekend and on that day both of us realized that we can not live without each other and we decided to get married without giving a single thought. On 1st of Feb. 08, we got married & that day my dream came true…!!! So, if you believe in your heart it will never let your Love go away from you!! 

It Happened One Day

A weekend getaway in the midst of the lovely hills of Lonavala. Seems like an excellent place to meet and fall in love with someone. But not when you are in an overcrowded water park with almost 1000 other people jostling and pushing you. Overweight aunties wearing ill fitting clothes and uncles with beer bellies hanging out obscenly. But then love is ubiquitous. It has the tendency of catching hold of you when u least expect it.

So one fine weekend, Mr. Cupid decided to visit a Water park. He thought, well its a weekend, and i have every right to have a break. So he landed with his bows and arrows in the water park wearing, well as always, what he mostly wears. It was a lovely day. Sunny and cool at the same time. He was just beginnning to relax when he saw a guy. He was with his friends it seems but he seemed far away and distant, lost in his own world. Mr Cupid decided to observe this guy. I still dont understand why he could not have minded his own business.

Then he saw another group of people approaching the first group. In the group was a girl, not very pretty but a good looking girl neverthless. She approached the guy with a big smile on her face. The guy too responded like wise. With a cute, shy smile. This got Mr. Cupid interested. He decided to stay close to both of them. Well, but their togetherness was short lived. And both went separate ways in there own separate groups.

It wasnt until much later, when they both got together again . Meanwhile, while they were separate, our Mr. Cupid was going nuts trying to keep both of them in sight. He was oblivious to a 1000 other ppl around him. Many young, eager guys and gals, waiting to fall in love with someone. But he just didnt pay any attention to them. He was too busy trying to keep track of the girl and the guy. He had after all chosen his targets for the day.

Finally, he got them in sight. They were sitting together and talking. Their conversation was sweet and free flowing. The guy made the girl laugh and smile alot and the girl just couldnt stop laughing and giggling. Well, the guy was also smiling. He was a bit shy and reserved but this was enough for Mr. Cupid to get ideas. He was planning to make the two ppl fall in love with each other. Well, it was his day off but who cares. He was always ready to help usher out two lonely souls on to the glorious path of love. He was just waiting and watching them both to find any complications. Seeing none, he decided it was time, he did his deed.

Now funny thing about the Love Shot is that it should pierce both the prospective people at the same time. It's actually said to be a single arrow that goes through both their hearts. And Cupid is a master Archer. He never misses. So, now he was just waiting for then to come into position when he could bind them forever with one arrow. He got the opportunity soon. They were both playing passing the parcel with the rest of the group. And as luck would have had it, they were sitting in the apt positions.

Now Mr. Cupid, took out his bow and arrow and took aim. The whole scene was so enchanting. Music playing in the background mingled with the laughter. The guy and the girl were playing, not really aware of the fact that in a moment, their two lives would get entangled forever. Cupid took aim and let go of the bow.

And suddenly, the music stopped. The girl's mobile phone started to ring. and she got up and when she got up, the love shot, just grazed her arm. Not her heart but her arm. she flinched but then went ahead with her conversation. In the meantime, the guy had also gotten up as he was the out in the game. When he got up, the love shot pierced his foot. He too flinched a bit and went ahead to fulfill his punishment as IT.

Mr. Cupid was horrified. He had never missed a shot ever before.

He was asked to sing a song and he started singing. He had a melodious voice. A voice dipped in honey. Meanwhile the girl was back and sat there mesmerised by the voice. She joined him after a while and they both sang. A song that was full of love and longing and a needing for the Love. She was looking at him from beneath her long lashes and he too was stealing glances at her. But soon, it was time for them to go to their respective homes. One in Pune and one in Mumbai. They both were on their way. However, they felt as if they had left something behind. What, they could not put there finger on. But something had gone amiss in just one day.

Mr. Cupid was helpless as he could not do anything. He just hoped that the love shot would work somehow and make them fall in love with each other. Till then, well, all he could do was wait and watch the progress. He was going home dejected, when he saw another couple in the very first stages of falling in love with each other. Well, he decided to take one more shot, and he took aim. Voila, it found its mark and the girl and the guy were in love with each other. This gave Mr. Cupid the satisfaction that his aim was perfect and the love shots were also good and had not reached there expiry dates.

As for the Mr Desirable and Miss Pretty, they would never realise how close they came to falling in love with each other. But then its never too late. May be, the small Love Shot wounds would work wonders for them. Well, we can only Hope!!

What Monkeys Can Teach Us About Human Behavior

Here is an easy exercise that must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try to add up the following numbers as quickly as you can. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Our confidence in our ability to add according to the way we were taught in base ten encourages us to process the information this way and jump to a conclusion. If your total is 5,000, then you are wrong. 96% of people who add these simple numbers get the wrong answer. The numbers are arranged in such a way to set people up to get the wrong answer when adding using base ten. The correct answer is 4,100.

Human nature is such that when we assume we know how to do something, we perform the act without much thought about the assumptions we make. History is replete with thousands of examples of what happens when people don't challenge assumptions.

In 1968, the Swiss dominated the watch industry. Enterprising Swiss inventors invented the electronic watch movement at their research institute in Neuchatel, Switzerland. It was rejected by every Swiss watch manufacturer. Based on their past experiences in the industry, they assumed this couldn't possibly be a watch, because it had no gears or springs. Seiko took one look at this invention and took over the world watch market.

When Univac invented the computer, they refused to talk to business people who inquired about it, because the computer was invented for scientists they assumed it had no business applications. Then along came IBM and dominated the market. IBM, itself, once said that according to their past experiences in the computer market, they assumed that there was virtually no market for the personal computer. In fact, they said they were absolutely certain there were no more than five or six people in the entire world who had need for a personal computer. And along came Apple.

When Fred Smith started Federal Express, virtually every delivery expert in the U.S., doomed his enterprise to failure. Based on their experiences in the industry, no one, they assumed, would pay a fancy price for speed and reliability. Chester Carlson invented xerography in 1938. Virtually every major corporation, including IBM and Kodak, scoffed at his idea and turned him down. They assumed that since carbon paper was cheap and plentiful, who in their right mind would buy an expensive copier. A group of people created a small company funded by open-minded investors that eventually became Xerox. The investors all became multi-millionaires. When was the last time you saw carbon paper?

Once we think we know how something should be done, we keep doing it, then we teach others to do it the same way, and they in turn teach others until eventually you reach a point where no one remembers why something is done a certain way but we keep doing it anyway. This human behavior of not challenging assumptions reminds me of an experiment psychologists performed years ago.

They started with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, they hung a banana on a string with a set of stairs placed under it. Before long, a monkey went to the stairs and started to climb towards the banana. As soon as he started up the stairs, the psychologists sprayed all of the other monkeys with ice cold water. After a while, another monkey made an attempt to obtain the banana. As soon as his foot touched the stairs, all of the other monkeys were sprayed with ice cold water. It's wasn't long before all of the other monkeys would physically prevent any monkey from climbing the stairs.

Now, the psychologists shut off the cold water, removed one monkey from the cage and replaced it with a new one. The new monkey saw the banana and started to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attacked him. After another attempt and attack, he discovered that if he tried to climb the stairs, he would be assaulted.

Next they removed another of the original five monkeys and replaced it with a new one. The newcomer went to the stairs and was attacked. The previous newcomer took part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, they replaced a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey tried to climb the stairs, he was attacked.

The monkeys had no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they were beating any monkey that tried. After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys hadever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approached the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been around here.

People sometimes do the same in the workplace. How many times have you heard "It has always been done this way. Don't mess with what works." Instead of challenging these assumptions, many of us, like the monkeys, simply keep reproducing what has been done before. It's the easiest thing to do.

At a seminar, a participant told me a humorous story of where this kind of acceptance of assumptions can lead. A quality management consultant was hired by a small English manufacturing company to advise them on improving general operating efficiency. The company produced a report which dealt with various aspects of productivity. At the top-right corner of one form, there was a small box. The consultant noted that the figure '0' had been written in every such report for the past year. On questioning the members of the staff who completed the report, they told him that they always put a zero in that box, and when he asked them why they told him they were told do so by their supervisor. The supervisor told him he guessed it had to do with accidents but wasn't sure. It had always been "0" for the twenty-five years he had been there, so he continued the practice. It, too, was something he was told to do by his former supervisor.

The consultant could find no one in the company who could tell him what the box represented. Intrigued, he went to the warehouse where the company kept its archives to see what he could discover about the form. The company was founded in 1937 and the records were preserved all the way back to 1940. He found the old reports, he saw that the zero return had continued uninterrupted for as far back as the records extended. Eventually, he found the box that catalogued all the originals of the forms the company had used during its history dating back to 1940. In it, he found the original report which was created in 1941, in pristine condition. In the top right corner was the mysterious box, with the heading clearly shown ...... 'Number of Air Raids Today.' Over time, the heading disappeared but the box remained.

We automatically accept what we are taught and exclude all other lines of thought. The same thing happens when we see something odd or unusual in our experiences. We tend to accept whatever explanation someone with experience tells us. This kind of thinking reminds me of herring gulls. Herring gulls have a drive to remove all red objects from their nest. They also have a drive to retrieve any egg that rolls away from the nest. If you place a red egg in the nest, when the gull returns she will push it out, then roll it back in, then push it out again, only to retrieve it once more.

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-thinkering/201107/what-monkeys-can-teach-us-about-human-behavior-0