Something's cookin...

Eat to live, they say, and not live to eat. I say bullcrap!! If you are telling me there’s a cheese-ham sandwich with barbeque sauce, lasagna laced with mayonnaise, teriyaki chicken with peri-peri sauce to go with, and Ginger ale on-the-rocks, and you say you already had enough to make it through the day, without looking at the food, you really have gone bonkers, my man!! Why else do you think god has created man? To keep a check on the world flora and fauna outgrowth, of course. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. Well, there’s just one hiccup though. How do you cook all these? During these few months that I have been away from my spouse, I have learned Hogging is fun but cooking is altogether a different rocket science. I wouldn't exactly call it 'cooking' but I can make noodles. That means I can boil water, empty the packets in and wait until it's done. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t like to cook. I'm sort of a mad scientist in the kitchen. Only without a sound biology or botany education! As a kid, I used to watch mum prepare her masterpieces, for hours together, pouring in colorful ingredients in the exact proportion. However, I must say, I was amazed with my father’s preparations. He used to prepare several kinds of food, perfectly ready to eat, without any cooking, from some little cans that had printing all over them. I was convinced my mother was still learning to cook from my dad!! Right, so as I was saying, I was pushed into cooking for a couple of months till my wife joins me back. So I thought, let’s hone some skills and surprise the hell out of my lady. Day 1, I tried making chapattis. After 2 hours, roommates found me on the beanbag in front of the TV, munching nachos with coke, while the maid cleared the mess. Do note that when you remove the batteries from the smoke detector to put them into your pocket radio, remember to put them back on. Day 2 – Noodles with some additional potatoes in it. Well, that’s some progress. Blame it on the Chandivili canteen, where this idea popped from. Fortunately, there are few pizza outlets nearby. Day 3 – How about some fried prawns. Statutory Warning – Do not try this at home!! Pouring oil in a pan when it already contains some water is ignorance. Watching that oil heat up, from close quarters, is outright foolish. Also note that cooking prawns is like running a government. Too much handling will spoil it. Ok, now I am sure there is some problem with the kitchen. As they say, in large kitchens, the cooking is usually bad! I do know how to cook. It’s just that people who eat it don’t have the taste for something new. Well, anyways people have stated wondering why all the good cooks in the world are men. Why should I add to that dilemma? i’d let technology do that part. The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. I wonder when they would invent a machine that puts food into the mouth and pushes it down. In the worst case, I guess, the best option is to eat whatever you can lay your hands on and let the food fight it out inside. Who are you to decide good or bad!! Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the preparation of this article (probably except during breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner and dinfast). Hey, by the way, if we are not supposed to eat animals, why the hell are they made up of meat?

Shiv Prakash Singh